


The Gang's In The Movies

by moviefan



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 08:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5861611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moviefan/pseuds/moviefan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The gang finds a door in the Paddy's office that leads to different movie universes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Gang's In The Movies

5:00 p.m.  
On A Monday  
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania  
Paddy’s Pub  
[Dee, Mac, and Charlie are at the bar drinking. The bar is empty except for them. The door of the office is open. From offscreen we hear:]  
Dennis: Hey guys, come check this out!  
[Dee, Mac, and Charlie enter the office to see Dennis looking at a door in the office with junk piled against it.]  
Dennis: I always wondered what was in here. I don’t think we ever checked.  
Dee: I’m pretty sure it’s just a storage space  
Charlie: You don’t know that, Dee. It could be a portal to twenty years ago  
[Dee and Mac give Charlie looks as Dennis moves the junk out of the way and pries open the door. Dennis goes in and closes the door behind him.]  
Mac: Wanna play darts?  
Charlie: Sure  
[They all leave the office.]

[Cut to a few hours later.]  
Mac: He’s been in there a while. I’m starting to get worried  
[Mac and Charlie go into the office and open the door. They look surprised to see a fancy office on the other side of it. They walk cautiously towards a receptionist’s desk.]  
Receptionist: Hello, are you here to see Mr. Grey?  
Mac: No, I’m just here to get my friend, Dennis.  
[The receptionist looks confused.]  
Receptionist: This is Mr. Grey’s office. There’s a picture of him on that wall (points to her left)  
[Mac and Charlie look to see a picture of Dennis in a suit and give each other freaked out looks.]  
Mac: We know that guy  
Receptionist: Mr. Grey is in a meeting now, but should be out soon  
[Int. Grey’s office]  
[Dennis sits behind a desk in a suit while a pretty college-aged woman, Ana, sits in a chair opposite him with an open notebook]  
Ana: It’s fascinating how you built this company. Tell me more about how you came up with the idea for kitten mittens  
[From outside the door, we hear:]  
Charlie: What?!  
[The door is kicked open and Mac and Charlie burst into the room with the receptionist behind them]  
Charlie: What the hell, man! Kitten mittens was my idea!  
Receptionist: I’m sorry, sir. They claim to know you  
Dennis (to Ana) One moment, please  
[Dennis walks over to Mac and Charlie]  
Dennis: Please don’t ruin this for me. I don’t know how it happened, but they think I’m some millionaire. (Hands them keys) Go check out my condo. It’s right next door.  
[Mac and Charlie leave.]  
[Int. Grey condo]  
[Mac and Charlie are stunned to see a giant living room with a grand piano and a large flat screen TV.]  
[Charlie flops down on a black leather couch.]  
Charlie: I could get used to this. No wonder Dennis doesn’t want to leave  
Mac: Hey Charlie, look at this  
[Charlie goes over to see Mac staring into a room with a red door looking stunned. We don’t see inside the room]  
Charlie: Holy shit  
Mac: This is just like that one movie…um…you know the one that’s really popular right now…the one about the rich guy with the control issues who’s into kinky sex stuff…um…  
Charlie: (thinking, then snaps his fingers) American Psycho!  
Mac: Yes! I knew it!  
Charlie: This is so weird. I wonder if that door in the office goes anywhere else  
[Cut to a little while later. The living room is empty. Dennis and Ana walk into the condo. Ana looks around the condo while Dennis makes them drinks]  
Ana: There is a lot of space in here. I can’t believe how many rooms it has  
Dennis: (trying to act smooth) I know. But there is one room in particular I’d like to show you  
[Dennis opens the red door to find Mac and Charlie laughing and trying to hit the other with a whip.]  
Charlie: Ow, dude! Not the face!  
Dennis: Oh, goddamnit!  
Ana: (uncomfortable) Um…I think I’m gonna go (leaves the condo)  
Dennis: I can’t believe you! I’m going back to the bar  
[Dennis leaves the condo and Mac and Charlie follow.]

[The next day. Dee, Mac, Charlie, and Dennis at the bar.]  
Dee: (to Dennis) No way! So everyone just thought you were that American Psycho guy?  
Dennis: Why does everyone keep saying that?  
[Charlie goes into the office and opens the door. The setting has changed to a Disney-style animated village and Charlie is animated when he goes through the door]  
[Charlie bumps into an animated woman who looks curiously like The Waitress]  
Charlie: (flustered) Uh, hi  
Animated Woman: (smiling at Charlie) Hi. We’re getting ready for the royal ball tonight. Would you like to go with me?  
Charlie: Um, sure! [12 animated cats suddenly appear behind Charlie]  
Charlie: Yeah, they follow me sometimes  
[Cut to royal ball. Charlie and the animated woman dance together]  
Animated Woman: Come meet my parents  
[Charlie follows the animated woman to the King and Queen who are sitting on thrones nearby]  
King: So this is my future son-in-law  
Charlie: Um…(to Animated Woman) I like you, but didn’t we just meet this morning?  
Animated Woman: My parents met and got married in half that time!  
Charlie: Um, it’s just…I thought we could go for coffee first  
King: How dare you string my daughter along like that! Guards! Seize him!  
[Royal guards start to advance on Charlie. Suddenly, Mac bursts into the ballroom. He is also animated]  
Mac: What’s going on?  
Charlie: (to Mac) Oh shit! Thank God you’re here!  
[Everyone in the ballroom gasps and covers their ears. Charlie and Mac run away and back into the bar while everyone is distracted]  
Mac: That was so weird. I could have sworn that girl looked like The Waitress  
[Charlie goes back to the bar with Dennis and Dee]

[Mac goes into the office and opens the door cautiously. The setting has changed to a jungle. Mac goes through and sees four buff guys in camouflage holding machine guns.]  
Guy #1: Hey, what’s your name?  
Mac: I’m Mac  
Guy #1: Hey Mac. Stay low to the ground. We’re trying to track this alien  
(A Godzilla-like roar sounds in the distance)  
Guy #2: I don’t get it. I’m trying to shoot but the bullets just bounce off of it  
Guy #3: I read about this. Some of these monsters can only get taken down in hand-to-hand combat  
Guy #4: We’re doomed! Unless…  
Guy #1: (seriously) Does anyone here know karate?  
[Cut to Mac looking determined]  
[Cut to the four guys lying dead on the ground while Mac stands around awkwardly.]  
[Charlie wanders into the jungle and looks at the scene]  
Charlie: What happened?  
Mac: Uh, I was using my karate moves, and it was pretty sweet, but…I wasn’t expecting the alien to be so big and…(sheepishly) I ran and hid behind that bush. I think it might come back soon. Let’s get out of here  
[Mac and Charlie go back into the bar]  
[Cut to Mac and Charlie sitting with Dennis at the bar]  
[Dee walks into the office and starts to open the door]  
Charlie: (alarmed) Dee, wait!  
[Mac puts his hand over Charlie’s mouth]  
Mac: (to Dee) I don’t know what’s going on with Charlie. Go see what’s in there, Dee  
[Dee looks suspiciously at Mac but opens the door and goes in]

[On the other side of the door is a trendy brunch place. Three women are drinking together at a table]  
Woman #1: (to Dee) There you are. We didn’t want to catch up without you  
[Dee looks confused but sits at the table]  
Woman #2: Don’t you just love this place? It makes the best Cosmos  
Woman #3: Okay, now that you’re here, we can finally talk. Dan never gets time off his architecture job. It’s like he’s married to it  
Woman #1: That sounds just like Jack at his architecture firm  
Woman #2: Tyler has a big project coming up designing a new building for the mayor  
Dee: You all have boyfriends that work in architecture?  
Woman #3: Yes. You look kind of confused. Don’t you remember? I work as a magazine editor  
Woman #1: I’m a reporter  
Woman #2: And I’m a newspaper advice columnist  
Woman #3: (to Dee) You do look confused. We get together here every week to talk about our lives and relationships. So what are you doing now?  
Dee: Well…I’m…  
Woman #2: Oh my God, I was on YouTube yesterday and found this woman’s video diary. It was so sad  
Woman #1: I saw that, it went viral a little while ago. It’s sad how people will just put the most embarrassing details of their lives online like that  
Woman #3: (to Dee) It’s so weird how much you look like her. She could be your doppelganger.  
Dee: Ha! What? I’m an actress and that’s a character I’ve been working on named… Cindy. Yeah, I spent a lot of time creating her. She works at a crappy bar with these loser guys  
Woman #1: Wow, it didn’t even seem like acting  
[The other women look a bit suspicious]  
Dee: What can I say? She just came out of me. Take that, Meryl Streep. You guys want anything, I’m just gonna…[gets up from the table and goes to the cashier]  
Dee: (to cashier) Hi, I will take your most expensive bottle of wine, and charge it to those ladies over there. They’re very generous  
[Dee gets the bottle of wine and runs back into the bar]  
Dee: $800 bottle of wine and I got some Sex And The City knockoffs to pay for it. Boom!  
Mac: I’m gonna go do something first  
[Everyone watches as Mac puts a bunch of padlocks onto the door in the office and writes ‘Charlie no go’ with a sad face in big letters on the door]  
[Dee pours glasses for everyone]  
Charlie: Alright!  
Dennis: Good one, Dee!  
[Dee smiles a bit. Everyone toasts and drinks]  



End file.
